Invented in 1975, the world’s first mobile phone was a petrol-driven monstrosity that could convey a family of six a distance of approximately seven miles. It had eight wheels and was regularly used by the police during chases. In order to make mobile calls, it had to be parked nearby to a house with a phone. At this point, it was the duty of the tallest person present to knock on the door of the house and ask to use their phone.

Later versions of this phone ran on goodwill and happy thoughts. It could not function in Sheffield.

More functional versions of the mobile phone appeared in the late seventies. The best of these was the MessageMaster, which weighed over 400Kg. In order to offset the disappointing weight-to-functionality ratio, the phone was given extra functions; it could be deployed into the form of an Italian restaurant. This procedure required six men and took four hours, and was seen as something of an extravagance.

Another extra function of the phone was that it could be used as a raft. In raft mode, the phone was guaranteed to stay afloat for forty seconds.

By 1984, phones had become true handsets. The most popular of these was the Motorola TALKR. It had the marked disadvantage of requiring a forty-foot transmission mast to be plugged into it in order to transmit further than three metres.

Since then, phones got smaller and smaller until, in 1999, the Nokia 647510i, was roundly criticised for being the size of four atoms.

Today, phones fulfil a variety of functions, such as the Motorola ROKR, which can store more music than any one person can listen to in their entire lifetime.